I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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