We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
