Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
