kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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