i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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