Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
