I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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