Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
