I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
