Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
