if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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