Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
