I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
