Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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