Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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