When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize