Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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