mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
