wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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