Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
