living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
