This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize