Your face is a jimmy john
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
