i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
