she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
