New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
