This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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