you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
