It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
