I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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