Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize