your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
