Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
