i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
