One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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