I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
