I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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