For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
