What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You ruined the universe
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
