i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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