Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
