So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
