You smell like stripper and shame
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
