I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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