The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
