I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
