I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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