So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize