i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Less talking, more tequila
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
