she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
