planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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