morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to calm my uterus...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
