did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
