how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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