i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
