I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
