I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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