Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
