believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
