Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
