At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
