things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
