I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
