State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
