mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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