You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
