you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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