this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
