I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
