dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
