Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
