I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
