So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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