he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
